nine eleven

eight years ago today i was headed to my gyn to find out if he was going to become my ob. it was an early start for me that day as i was his first appointment at nine and i was trying to beat the rush hour traffic. his office is about a 45 minute drive from my house. i was teaching at the time and was doing my best to get back to school as soon as i could because i had a classroom full of 8 year olds waiting for me. i arrived at the doctor's office and was talking to the receptionist when a hush came over the waiting room. the ladies at the front desk were shocked, concerned, sad, confused. all of the same emotions that i was having but theirs just seemed to be a little more concrete than mine at the time. after all, i was there to see if i was going to be a mama. one of the dreams of this little life of mine. as i sat down to wait for my name to be called the reality of the situation started to sink in. all the lives that were lost, the children who lost parents, the husbands that lost wives, the wives that lost husbands, the parents who lost children and at this time the only victims that i was even considering were those that were on the plane. the first plane. then the unthinkable, a second plane flew into the second tower. right there, right in front of me, on the screen, in the waiting room. this was not happening. was i bringing a baby into this crazy world? needless to say 8 years later, i realize that i am not in control of when these sweet precious babies are brought to my sweet man and me. my gracious, all knowing heavenly father controls all that, thank goodness.

i sat there. really no emotion. hearing a shuffle next to me i look around to see everyone in the waiting room looking in my direction. my name had been called quite a few times. business as usually even though at the time the world seemed to be coming to an end. isn't that the way of it? your world can seem as though it is coming to an end but all around you, business as usual. i followed the nurse to my room. well first i was weighed, man i wish i weighed now what i weighed then but that is another story. i waited for the doctor. he came in, checked me, smiled as much as you can in the face of the events of the day, gave me a hug, and said congratulations as he walked out of the door. as he was leaving, he told me he would see me in a month. w's entire pregnancy, dr. f and i would relive that day. at each visit we would talk about the impact that day had made on the world. we are still living the impact of that day. i imagine we may live it our entire lives.

as i headed back to school i called the office to check on my kids. many of their parents had picked them up early. i understood that. i would have done the same thing. i talked with the children that were left in my room when i arrived at school. they had many questions. some i could answer, some i could not. not much is different today. my sweet darlings ask me many questions that i do not have the answers for. i have some answers and i pray that i answer them in such a way that they understand, and that my answer is kind, loving, compassionate, and truth.

eight years later i am much more sure of God's hand on my life, on the life of my husband, and on the lives of the most precious gifts that He could give, our sweet children. i am certain that trials will come. they always do. but i know that no matter what they are, when they are, and how difficult they may be, i have the assurance of knowing that no one loves me more than my heavenly father. no one. and he will be there through all of it. even the nine eleven's.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

thank you to all the public servants, military, and brave men and women who lost and risked their lives that day eight years ago. thanks to those who still lay their lives on the line each day to make this the place that i am so thankful to call home. let us never forget the cost, the pain, the attack on freedom.

~type to you soon~

picture credit: sanfranciscosentinel