the farm

today was a hard day for me. we visited the family farm for the last time as a family. my three little ones love the farm. their memories of the farm include fishing, skipping rocks in the pond or just throwing them in and watching them splash, lots of kittens, a sweet dog named sam, lots of barns, black ones, and time that is undivided.

my memories of the farm extend well beyond those of my children, this farm entered my life when i met the man that i am beyond blessed to call my husband. it is his great aunt and uncles farm. they are really more like grandparents as his grandparents went to be with the Lord at an early age. the first time i saw the farm i told my love that i wanted it someday. i wanted to run and roam these fields. i desired nothing more than to raise a family on this piece of land that is undoubtedly blessed by the maker of all things. b and i spent many a romantic evening on that pond fishing and planning our future.

so today was not as i planned, because the farm is not ours any longer. not that it was ever "ours", but it was my little place that i could go and see God's hand in so many things. the wind blowing the wheat, the laughter dancing through the eyes of children that ran and jumped and soared through acres of green goodness, the peace that my sweet love felt knowing that his family had lived on that piece of land and worked it hard for over 200 years.

it has always been my desire, even as a child and very much a city girl, to be a farm girl. so today something within me has died a little bit, because that is where i dreamed to be. i will hold and clutch onto the memories that were created there. they are some of my fondest memories with my young love and that farm created some of the most precious faces upon my children's faces at the wonder of discovery there in that place. i am trusting that this loss is part of God's perfect plan for our lives, because i know that He makes no mistakes. however, right here and now in this place i am sad and i want today back.

~type to you soon~